An Arranged marriage, an on-off relationship and a decision

I was born into an Indian family living in Germany. I was brought up very strictly and I have been told again and again since my youth, my husband is already predetermined. He would live in India. Therefore, after my training as a nurse, my father forced me to immediately fly to India to get married there. I tried to fight back. Unfortunately, in vain. I was mentally threatened by my family. They told me that if I did not marry this man, then I would no longer have a family in Germany. I believed them. So I flew to India to marry him. Shortly after the arranged marriage we came back to Germany together.

We moved in together and tried to make the most of it. Now you probably think he’s a bad man and cruel. But no! He is very attractive, athletic, educated and a kind-hearted person. But I just didn’t manage to fall in love with him. There was a constant thought that it was just an arranged marriage.

My husband was attractive, educated and kind of heart
One day I had to tell him what had happened and what my family had done to me, how they had threatened me. He was full of understanding and would have liked to have flown back to India immediately. However, this would have damaged the reputation of his family in India, so he asked me for my help. He would stay until further opportunities opened up for him abroad. He would need three years for this. And so we agreed to continue this arranged marriage until the three years had passed.

We agreed on three years of arranged marriage
If you think the three years were bad, no, we had very nice years. Except for the last year. I wish it never happened.

In our “marriage” we were more friends than a loving couple. We did a lot of great things and traveled a lot. Until I had to find out what a real marriage would have been. One day in the hospital, during my work, I met a man. We had a short chat and I really liked him, but it was a very stressful day and I quickly forgot about him again.

Some time passed and suddenly I saw him looking around the hallway again. I knew who he was looking for: He was looking for me. He saw me and looked relieved. I didn’t want to go out for coffee with him, but he begged. I liked him very much and I did not dare to tell him the truth about my arranged marriage right away. We finally met for dinner and I couldn’t stand it any longer. I talked about my situation and explained to him how it had come about.And then I fell in love

M. was very understanding and said that he himself came from a very long relationship, which ended terribly. His girlfriend had cheated on him with a good friend and was now pregnant by him. We not only tried to see our problems, but focused on ourselves. I had told him from the beginning that I wanted to and would go through the last year with my husband, because he had become a good friend and I did not want to ruin his future.

M. was ready to wait for me. He told me that he loves me. Half a year passed, the relationship between us went very well and was very passionate. We did a lot and I got to know his friends. It went perfectly, I thought at least. However, after half a year, M. was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. For him, the world collapsed. I tried to be there for him as best I could, but it wasn’t enough for him. He was suddenly disturbed by my arranged marriage and he said that he could not imagine a relationship with me like that and his diagnosis was bothering him.

Never-ending on-off relationship
He ended the relationship with me. I was very sad about this, because I loved him, but there was nothing I could do for him. I accepted the separation. But when I thought it was over and wanted to plan my future again, M. came back. He apologized to me and explained that he would love me, but he no longer had the strength to share me with another man. We got closer again and loved each other even more – at least that’s what I thought.

Half a year passed. M. became more and more strange. He didn’t report for days. Meetings became less frequent and shorter. He kept me away from his friends and his family was not allowed to know about us anyway: his family was not very positive towards foreign fellow citizens. I tried to find an approach to him, because in this one year I loved him even more than at the beginning. But no chance. We quarreled and in this quarrel he became loud and told me that he no longer had feelings for me. He doesn’t love me anymore.

A world collapsed for me too
I had no choice but to let him go again. I told my husband all about him. There were only three months left until the separation. He had a lot of understanding for me. He caught me in my grief and accompanied me through this time. Our friendship became even stronger. We did a lot. I laughed again, returned to life and had accepted the separation with M. and completed it for me.

But he came back. Shortly before the separation from my arranged husband, M. returned again. He apologized and assured me that he loved me very much. Everything would have been too much for him and he didn’t know what to do. And so we got back together. I loved him so much and took in back again, thinking our problems lay with me and my arranged marriage.

Freedom after separation from my husband
Three months passed, my husband and I said goodbye in a good way. We were still friends. After my separation from my husband, I felt free. And M. and I got closer than ever. But I still felt a strange feeling in my stomach. M. continued to keep me hidden from his friends and acquaintances. He did a lot of things without me.

And once again he ended the relationship. This time on the grounds that he was not ready to make our relationship official.

This time it also took me a long time
I loved him, yes, but I loved myself even more. This time I got along very well with the separation. I was no longer trapped in my arranged marriage. I experienced everything I wanted to experience. I met new men who had serious interest in me.

But they didn’t become anything, because deep down I still loved M. Nevertheless, I was happy. I realized M. never wanted a relationship with me and I loved him so much that I had to accept that. Finally, I wished him to be happy.

It took a month and M. returned again and I thought he really loves me. I told him what a relationship meant to me and that I was looking for a long-term relationship. I wanted a life together, I wanted children. He assured me that he was looking for the same and that he would finally be ready to make our relationship official. I was overjoyed and finally felt understood by him.

A while passed, he was with me very often, we had many beautiful moments. And one day I asked him when he wanted to introduce me to his family. And how we wanted to shape this, after all, I’m Indian and they don’t like dark-skinned people. M. was overwhelmed with this situation, I noticed that to him too. He told me he was waiting for the right time to tell his family.

My pregnancy put him under pressure
Two weeks passed. I became more restless, I was not well. And then I got pregnant unintentionally. But I was even dirtier with the thought that M. was ashamed of me and probably he would even deny my pregnancy in front of his family.

When I told him I was pregnant, he wasn’t happy. He could not believe it. All he said was that he was not ready to become a father. He retired and did not report again.

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