In the lockdown spring, I was out with a buddy in the park when HE crossed my path. I didn’t really plan to change anything about my single status and still had to nibble at the end of the last affair. We stood around in a smaller group and talked. When I took the way to the toilet, he came running after me.
I found this strange and was not very pleased either. He looked into my eyes for a long time and hugged me. All this became too much for me, I broke up and ran back to the group. When he took my hand, it was over with me. I firmly rejected him, at which he got angry and set off with his friend on the way home. We had exchanged numbers inside at some point.
Over the next few days, he wrote me countless messages. He suggested meetings and told me about his daily routine. He wanted to get to know me so much, to spend as much time with me as possible … My gut feeling told me clearly: “No”. It all happened too fast for me. But I was also curious about the man, who obviously found me so exciting that he stuck to it.
He obviously found me very exciting
After a few days, I buckled. We met in the park. He had a deck of cards with him and showed me magic tricks. There was something touching about that. He obviously made an effort to please me. We kissed a little later and ended up in bed. It was the madness. He was so loving. We chatted for hours at night. He showed me pictures from his home at Googlemaps and talked about his family. We listened to our favorite songs on Youtube. It all felt so right at once.
On the way home, he wrote me a very emotional message. He would have been such a great evening, I a great woman and all. I had butterflies in my stomach. He had touched my heart.
The next few days he wrote with a little less enthusiasm. But good. I didn’t think much of it. The next weekend we wrote a little back and forth. We both went on a date with friends. He said he’d get in touch. We then met again by chance in the park. This time he stayed with me. The whole thing then repeated itself again. I noticed after the third sex that he, for his part, contact became more and more sparse. Love messages stayed out. After his vacation, he didn’t write anymore.
Since I had never been a victim of ghosting before and knew this only as bad stories of my girlfriends, I got angry. I thought back and forth. Instead of sending him angry messages or making an angry phone call, I thought of something else. I can cook super well and have an interesting and entertaining circle of friends. So after a few weeks of no contact, I wrote to him kindly, if he would like to eat with us and then go dancing.
A nice ending – instead of ghosting
I explained to him in response to the question of “Why?“that I think it would be better to find a nice conclusion instead of just ghosting. He came then, too. He liked it with us. My friends liked him. And I was easy-going and relaxed. 1:0 for me, I thought.
He liked it so much that from then on he came every weekend to celebrate with us. He had become a part of the group. We went to concerts together, danced salsa, strolled through Berlin. He wrote in our WhatsApp group. In the evenings we kissed hot, hugged for a long time. He also took his buddies to our parties.
However, what was strange: when asked about single dates, he always evaded, or postponed the dates. He once said something about friendship Plus. We didn’t have sex anymore. So somehow friendship plus with kisses? Before conversations or phone calls with me, he squeezed himself.
In the meantime, he no longer responds regularly to my messages, but actively participates in the WhatsApp group. So he almost hosted again in a way. But now live in my clique. For me, this is more of a friendship plus minus zero with an unpleasant aftertaste.
Friendship plus minus zero with an aftertaste
On Sunday I still feel quite happy, in the middle of the week a kind of sadness comes over me and on Friday I checked it off emotionally. Only problem: then the party Saturday comes again and everything starts all over again. I thought I was being smart by not allowing ghosting. Now I have a living zombie for this.
I’d rather kick him out of the clique. My friends don’t think it’s fair. My happy place at the weekend is no longer what it used to be.
My tip for anyone affected by ghosting: yes, it really feels like shit. But try not to reanimate the mind. Anyone who ghosts will do so again and again. And with a living zombie, you also do not do your self-esteem any favors.